He does have epilepsy, but this is good news since seizures can be the result of poisonings or brain tumors. He’ll have to be on medication for the rest of his life (thank God for pet insurance!) but I can see a lot of positive changes in him. He used to whine a lot and never played much. We could take out toys for him and try our best to play, but he never wanted them. We would give him plenty of time to play with our other dogs, but that was also a no-go. Sometimes he would sit on bathroom tile and whimper. We would love on him, but he would still be whimpering.

He takes two medications, twice a day. He broke out of the kitchen window to go play with Athena and Sugar. (We don’t condone the breaking out of windows, but it was nice to see that he wanted to engage with his friends.) He doesn’t whine nearly as often and loves his toys. We think he was in pain which is why he was whining and sleeping all day. He’s still a calm dog for the most part, but I love that he is willing to get up and move.

Our pet insurance would have covered cancer treatments, but I can’t even imagine going through that journey with him. I would have, of course, but I’m so glad he doesn’t have to go through that.

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”

Matthew 6:25-26 (ESV)

This is a pretty popular passage of scripture and one that I take to with joy. I love that Christ tells us not to worry about our lives because he takes of every thing. I’ve heard this passage many times in sermons about having faith in our God when we find ourselves in the midst of trouble. But- I noticed something today that I never thought about before.

Some background: I remember being taught so many times while growing up that we should be careful what we pray for and that we should not pray for extravagant blessings or for so-called trivial things. Since coming to Sandals, I’ve realized that while I have complete faith that God can handle anything I throw at Him, he also cares about the things I care about. I’ve always had a soft spot for any living thing that is defenseless. This means that even underdogs in movies and books get my wholehearted love and protection. If you make fun of a disabled person in front of me, be ready to reap what you have sewn! I will have something to say about it! It also means that stray animals (or even people) are in serious danger becoming a household favorite if I spot them. No matter how much pain it brings me, I will do whatever I can to make sure that if you cannot defend yourself or find a friend, you are not alone. When I was young, I remember my pastor actually saying that praying for animals is wrong because God has bigger concerns. But I care about animals. (In another life, I would have been an outstanding veterinarian.)

Back to present day: Do you notice anything in that scripture? “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.” He takes care of animals. He would care for them even if I didn’t. When he spoke these words, my ancestors were huddled over fires in Northern Europe of going on viking raids or hunting buffalo in the now American Southwest. I was not only not around yet, but some of the cultures that contributed to my creation, had not had interaction yet. Jesus cared for birds. Saint Francis  of Assisi is famous for his love of fauna.

When I awoke this morning to scuffling sounds in my room, my first reaction was to yell, “Luna! Stop fighting!” That usually does the trick, and she stops attacking the other cats. The sound didn’t stop. I sat up as my mom came running into the room. In my half dazed state my response to my mom was, “no he’s not” when she said he was having a seizure. We had a dog with epilepsy some years back, so it was certainly not my first round with a seizure. He had four seizures in about 40 minutes, each lasting about 7 minutes. By the time the second was over he was blind. By the time the fourth was over, he couldn’t walk or stand. I’m always afraid of asking for prayer when my animals are involved because I hear my former pastor saying, “Don’t ask us to pray for that. That’s not our concern.” But it’s my concern. My God loves me and He cares for me. That means He cares for the things I care about. My God feeds the birds of the air. I can ask my friends to pray because that’s what prayer is for. Wouldn’t you talk to your earthly father about things that were concerning you? So why can’t I ask my Heavenly Father? He has a greater power to change the situation at hand that any human. I sent out texts during the fourth one because at that point, I frankly didn’t care if my friends thought I was ridiculous, I needed help from my God. I received several immediate responses and the whole morning changed instantly. No joke, instantly. Lewis’ behavior was closer to normal. He could see movement, though not images. He wasn’t as scared and would even let the family close enough to pet him. (Dogs become extremely suspicious of everyone during and after seizures. They don’t understand what’s happening or what’s causing it.) The seizures stopped. Our vet called us personally and said, “I’m opening early for you guys. Get in here.” Lewis ate and drank and was able to walk, albeit shakily, to his food and water. I have never doubted God’s ability, but today I was incredibly reassured that he cares about the things I care about.

So much thanks and love to Mama Lauralee who texted me an awesome prayer, to Natali, Michelle, Bethany (who responded via facebook), Sean, Kelli, and Kyle. You peeps are all amazing! Thank God for all of you!

Yesterday I brought home a new “baby”.

C.S. Lewis aka "Lewis"

He’s a beast, but I love him. Lewis is about 85-90 lbs. and his head comes up to the middle of my torso. He’s also incredibly strong, the way only the biggest dogs can be strong. As an example of this, last night I watched him jump through the window in our kitchen door. It happened too quickly for me to react in any way other than to laugh at the site of him moving so easily through a window that begins at my chest. He just wanted to play with our other dogs. Then today, as I was preparing to leave for Starbucks (free a/c and I can get some work done here) I let him into the backyard so he could play with his friends. He was fine until he saw me on the other side of the front gate getting into the car. Lewis wanted none of that so he climbed the 8.5 foot gate that separates our front and back yards. I want to say that again, slower, so that you can hear the astonishment in my voice. “He climbed… an eight and half foot fence. Eight and half feet. More than one hundred inches. Almost three yards of chain link.” My baby is a monster. Lewis is the sweetest monster I’ve ever met. I’m wondering if I should have named him Aslan after all since, “He is not safe, but he is good.” I’ve never had to break a dog of climbing fences before, so I’m not sure how to do it. I’ll let you all know how it goes.

I discovered something about myself today: slap a biblical name and a quirky sense of humor on a boy and I’m all for it. No idea why that is. If he looks like an indie kid, big bonus! Poor C who doesn’t have a biblical name. At least he’s awesome.

I haven’t been able to sleep much this week. Some days it’s because my sinus infection is getting the better of me but tonight I can’t shut my mind off even though I’m exhausted. I think I’ve finally hit that point where I’m too tired to sleep.

Here’s a little something for you guys to ponder, some lyrics. I didn’t write these, Matt Berninger of The National did. I love these words.

“Leave your home
Change your name
Live alone
Eat your cake

Vanderlyle, crybaby, cry
Oh the waters are risin’
Still no surprisin’ you
Vanderlyle, crybaby, cry
Man its all been forgivin’
Swans are a swimmin’
I’ll explain everything to the geeks

All the very best of us
String ourselves up for love
All the very best of us
String ourselves up for love
All the very best of us
String ourselves up for love
All the very best of us
String ourselves up for love

Vanderlyle, crybaby, cry
Oh the waters are risin’
Still no surprisin’ you
Vanderlyle, crybaby, cry
Man its all been forgivin’
Swans are a swimmin’
I’ll explain everything to the geeks

Hangin’ from chandeliers
Same small world
At your heels

All the very best of us
String ourselves up for love
All the very best of us
String ourselves up for love
All the very best of us
String ourselves up for love
All the very best of us
String ourselves up for love

Vanderlyle, crybaby, cry
Oh the waters are risin’
Still no surprisin’ you
Vanderlyle, crybaby, cry
Man its all been forgivin’
Swans are a swimmin’
I’ll explain everything to the geeks

I’ll explain everything to the geeks
I’ll explain everything to the geeks”

I’m so indecisive. In every way, but especially when it comes to my education. I talk about this a lot, I know. Here’s the thing this time: I want to know everything! I don’t want to know everything so that I know more than others, I want to know everything because it’s all so cool! Who wouldn’t want to know everything about American history? Or British for that matter? And while we’re talking Brits, who wouldn’t want to know everything about how English progressed from Proto-Germanic to something that sounds nothing like German or Swedish? (Also, how did we change our syntax so much?) While we’re here talking about language, who wouldn’t want to speak 5 or more languages? I have a serious case of the curiosities. I’m not sure which is more appropriate so I’ll give you both: /sigh and /facepalm.

“There’s only two kinds of music: good and bad. If it sounds good, don’t worry about what it is; just enjoy it.” –Louis Armstrong

I guess I don’t really have much to say except that I think we should all learn to be more considerate of those around us. You never know if the person you’re slighting is having the worst day they will ever have or the best. We all suffer disappointment and loss, we all celebrate and love. Who do you need to have more consideration for? For whom have you had deep consideration? You don’t have to answer, but I recommend you think about it. I’m not really sure where this is coming from, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot tonight.

P.S. What exactly are clouds in coffee? I’ve never understood that.

My fingers ache, my eyes droop, and I still can’t hear out my right ear. This may seem random, but it isn’t. My fingers ache from sewing all week. My eyes droop because I’m tired and my allergy medicine does not help. I still can’t hear out of my right ear because, apparently, I’m deaf.

I started losing hearing in my right ear when I was little, thanks to chronic ear infections as a toddler. Scar tissue builds up continually thanks to my lovely auto-immune disease. Thankfully, I can still hear the sounds of my headphones in that ear, thanks to proximity, I suppose. Well, that’s a plus. Also a benefit, if I don’t want to listen to someone, I can take out the ear bud on my right side and pretend to listen. This is especially useful when I’m trying to get work done and my mom won’t leave me alone.

My fingers aching is a pleasant change, however. I love sewing and creating things so this feeling in my fingers is proof that I had a great week. It’s also a comfort to know that as my fingers become more and more adjusted to the work they’re performing, the pain will lessen. For now, though, it is a comfort.

I need to sleep. I’ve decided to start napping whenever I have the chance since I’ve been staying up so late and getting up so early. Honestly, I almost never have the chance to nap, so we’ll see if this actually happens.

“I am seeing posts like Hussein, dead; Bin Laden, dead; Westboro Church, next. And the prayers of many has been answered. Make no mistake about it, I do not pray death of the enemy, I pray for life of the upright. I fully believe Westboro Church has it all wrong, but judgement belongs solely to the Lord… As I said in another thread Al-qaeda and Bin Laden are simply weeds in the garden of life, they need to be uprooted and destroyed, we neither celebrate nor mourn their passing.” -Michael Beucler

“Seriously, the rejoicing and chanting of “USA” over the fact that we shot a man without trial who was on dialysis… We are a hideous collection of meat, bone, and blood.” -Charles Lewis

“The notion that the death of “evil” men can bring about justice, peace, and freedom is nothing more than a falsehood spoken by puppets in the illusionary show. The show that captivates audiences all around the world.” -Cristin Smith

Here’s the thing: someone will take his place. Satan has a plan, but so does our God. I’m sorry to say that Osama bin Laden was a man guilty of heinous acts against humanity. He deserves to be judged… by God. Certainly, he is now no longer a threat to national security, but what’s more important to me is not our nation but God’s Kingdom. He was, as Cristin Smith says in her blog post found here, a pawn in a war game. This is by no means a checkmate. No one celebrates the death of one soldier on a battlefield, even a higher ranking military figure. The only goal is to eliminate the King of the opposing army.

It’s been an interesting day. First, a guy at the library kept winking at me. So much so that at first I thought it was some kind of tic. Then the checker at Trader Joe’s asked me why I was buying so much dairy (milk, lassi, kefir, yogurt and butter). Then I left the car door open when I brought my groceries into the house. Sometimes I’m scatter-brained.

But! Other than the creeper, my trip to the library proved extremely successful: Time Traveler’s Wife (my copy is still out in the world somewhere), Three Cups of Tea, Reading Lolita in Tehran, and a volume compiling various poems about the ocean.

I also enjoyed a giant cup of delicious coffee this morning. And when I say giant, I mean giant.

Fleet Foxes = today’s soundtrack

Sometimes when I read Habit Blog Project I feel closer to myself. Tonight, I feel like I’m terrible at the things in life that really matter, the simple things. Ironically, though I love them best, I’m worst at them.

I realized today that it doesn’t matter. I realized it had been more of a mental burden than an emotional one when just deciding to put the puzzle down made my whole day better. Guess I’m over trying to figure out the motivations of others. I’m not into psychology, after all.

Some people sing in the shower, I think. My thoughts tonight need a bit of an outlet.

First:

Last week my small group leader asked me what my issue is, since I haven’t really discussed this in small group. That’s just it, though. That’s one of my biggest issues. I’ve always been a bit shy and tight lipped. Experience has really honed in and fine tuned this instinct I have to keep things to myself. Aside from that, my “thorn” is actually quite painful. In exchange for honesty, I often get ridicule, condescension, or laughter. Worse still, is when I’m essentially told to stop whining and shut up. (No one has ever said that in so many words, but intonation and facial expression say a lot more than people realize.) Somehow, my struggle is funny or annoying to most people, especially women, which is my entire small group. I’m also still learning how to talk to girls. I grew up in a world populated by almost twice as many boys as girls. I’m fairly new to this whole friends-with-women thing. I think I’m not very good at it. Alas, that is a story for another time. If my small group leader reads this, I just want her to know that I did think about what she said last week, and that I do struggle with authority as I said (though, that most frequently takes form in a desire to start some kind of political revolution á la Ché), and that I’m glad to have her as my leader.

Second:

There was an upstart a few months ago that I somehow managed to start. Tonight I was trying to look back to see what my part in it had been. This is not the first time I have looked back hoping to see something different, but I still have not figured out how I did anything wrong. I was deeply hurt during this skirmish by someone I thought to be above that level of spite. After these past few months that I have spent trying to discover the portion of the argument I should apologize for, I still cannot find it. I have come to some conclusions, however. The first thing I’ve learned is that being open-minded and tolerant doesn’t mean being a doormat for ideals, opinions, thoughts, or theories, it’s about knowing where you stand and being secure enough to listen to what someone else has to say without feeling personally attacked. Second, it is never acceptable to gossip about someone, but when you openly slander a person in a forum for her to see/hear while talking to someone who shouldn’t have to choose sides, you’re just being malicious. There is never a good reason for malice. It’s so unattractive in a person and completely unnecessary. I forgive the person who is guilty of slighting me in this way, though I doubt she will ever forgive me for having liberal political ideas. Third, every person in this country has been given a right to speak freely. To me, this means that each person should consider their choice of words, their opinions, and how they use them. This is true in political, public, and private forums. If you begin spouting your ideals without proper logical evidence and without true reflection, you’re taking for granted the right our forefathers have given us. Lastly, it is never okay to verbally attack someone simply because they have a different world view than yours. There is no reason to, as my generation would say, be a “hater” simply because someone follows a different set of ethics while maintaining Christian morals. That is something I would like to bring up as well: I have searched my Bible for any evidence that I behaved wrongly and have found nothing. I kept my cool while trying to explain myself. I know that as far as etiquette is concerned I was also on the side of right. I’ll never understand how my initial remark led to such disgusting behavior. I ask no recompense, I only wanted to sort through some thoughts I had on this matter and maybe reproach myself for any part I may have had in the offense that was noticed by anyone who was privy to that heinous conversation.

In spite of the fact that I currently have a cold, today was great. Short day at work, tutored a kid from my church, spent time with Krystyna and Travis, and talked to Jose for a bit. He made me tea (which I kept all to myself) and gave me cupcakes (which I shared with many, including the baby). My nose is still stuffy and my tummy kind of hurts (that’s not really a new feature to my life, though) but I’m pleased with the way this evening went. All in all, even though things didn’t go according to plan, this was a very pleasant day.